THE REBBETZIN

I am a rebbetzin in a chassidic community. I am very well known and respected. I think this interview is a bad idea.

Let me think for a minute.

I think the right thing to say is that I have been attracted to women all my life. When I got married, I shut down that feeling. Of course I got married. NOBODY doesn't get married in my community, unless there is something very wrong with them.

I still have the attraction but I don't act on it. I have, ka"h, a big family. I told my oldest daughter and now she doesn't talk to me. She moved away. I don't think I should tell anyone else in my family.

Women ask my husband shaalos. Sometimes they are too shy to ask him and they ask me. From what I've seen, there are plenty of girls and women in my situation. I try to help them but there's not much I can say, besides, "It's normal. Do what you can to have a normal life."

My life is normal. But in Boro Park and other places, these days, there's a lot going on, a lot of people doing things behind closed doors that you wouldn't believe. It's no wonder the rabbonim are all roused up. But instead of addressing the problem where it starts, they keep on trying to make more and more restrictions. I don't think that helps. I think that makes the situation worse.

I met a woman like me. We were together. It was terrifying, but also the best. We broke up right away, because it's too dangerous. I see her in the street sometimes and I still think of her.