Tz: I was married for over 20 years. It was an okay marriage, not especially good or especially bad. We got divorced because my ex-husband was having an affair with another woman. I don't really blame him. I was an emese eishes chayil (true wife of valour), but I'm not as attractive as the woman he took up with. We are both chassidic, and I didn't think we'd ever get divorced, but then again, I didn't think I'd ever be gay either, so there were surprises on both sides.
Tz: At school, like I said. Once, I was visiting her, and we were lying on her couch together, just talking and laughing, and somehow, she grabbed my arm and I knew, really knew, that it wasn't just a casual gesture. It meant something. And I didn't know what to do. I just stared at my arm and then stared at her and she smiled and I smiled back, but nervously, and then she pulled on my arm a little bit. I felt tingles all up and down my arm and I had a hard time breathing.
Tz: No. After that time, we didn't make Pesach together or anything like that. It's too risky. I suppose I was silly, in the first flush or something, and took risks I wouldn't take now. And I didn't tell my children anything more. They are getting closer to the age when I need to make shidduchim for them, and I don't want to mess that up in any way.
Tz: I didn't want to tell him. I thought he might be able to take my kids away or something, but he guessed. He's been very nice about it, though. He understands that I'm not a radical, I'm not going to run off and get married to her or anything. To him, it's just an extra close friendship.
Tz: I don't want to talk about that. Oh. Maybe, if we could live in a little house somewhere together and make shabbos together and the boys... I don't want to think about it because it isn't going to happen.